Friday, May 14, 2010
I know that I haven't blogged in a while, but I have been frantically busy which is good! I finally completed my Master's degree last Tuesday while simultaneously working as the back stage mom overseeing the girl's dressing room for our local college's production of "The Music Man". I was in charge of 6 girls (my daughter included). Not only did I do 6 heads of hair in authentic 1912 curls, I managed their numerous period costumes, got them to the stage on cue, averted major costume disasters resulting from spills of food and drink, nurtured and boosted the moral of 6 very tired and sometimes very cranky children, and generally kept them from killing each other which was no easy task! I really enjoyed spending time with these girls; 3 of them are homeschooled, which I think is extremely cool! This frantic state of busyness has helped to calm the anxiety of waiting for our referral. Since I have now added the title of Adoption Blog Stalker to my credentials, I have continued to witness a stagnant referral front. One family who is going through Dove Adoptions did get their referral for a baby boy after waiting 8 days shy of 6 months. There is another family who has been waiting 7 months for a baby girl. They just want 1 girl; we want 2! I am starting to suspect that we will be in it for the long haul. Lately, I have been experiencing a small amount of calm around waiting which is very new to me. Maybe I've just become what Pink Floyd would call "comfortably numb", but there is part of me that suspects there is a bit more to my state of calm other than just disassociation. I have found myself praying more often, and I think that God has heard me. I think that I have been relying on myself far too much for strength when I should have been relying on something bigger than myself. I know that it is true that God helps those who help themselves, but I think that you can only help yourself to a point. Sometimes, circumstances are way too big for people to handle on their own, and that is when God steps in to assist. I know that many of you readers out there have many diverse beliefs about God. Some of you assign a Christian perspective to your spirituality where as others may be Jewish, Muslim, Buddhist, agnostic, or a unique combination of some, all,or none of these beliefs. What ever you believe or hope to believe, I sincerely think that God (however perceived) is at work in our lives. I have found that this process of waiting has profoundly affected my relationship to God in that I have someone to rely on who has the eternal perspective as His view of the big picture. I think that most of my frustration with the waiting process has stemmed from seeing this adoption from my own selfish, small, and narrow human perspective. I am hoping that my calm isn't fleeting! However, if the anxiety begins to creep back in, at least I have experienced a small reprieve!